(help!) I need somebody

(help!) Not just anybody

(help!) You know I need someone


The Beatles

In our last outing, we realised that Nature was brutish and dangerous. We proposed many kind, humane, and gentle ways to prevent her from wreaking havoc on her hapless creatures. Word has gotten out that Kartel Shockington is sympathetic to all life forms. Some have said he is pathetic, but we are ignoring those inanimates for now.

Letters have started to pour in. From bugs to beetles, fish to frogs, snails to snakes, peacocks to pandas, and turtles to tigers, they have written in to voice their concern over Nature and her ways. For the benefit of our readers, we reproduce some of them below (1).

We were truly shockingtoned at all that goes on in the animal kingdom, not to mention with plants, and even fungi. Nature is weird and cruel Though we have to say that we couldn’t help the occasional chuckle, for she does have a wicked sense of humus. These letters only strengthen out conviction…. she cannot be trusted to look after her own.


(1) With all due credit to Dr. Tatiana’s Sex Guide for all Creation. Thanks and Sorry, Olivia Judson.

(2) As a matter of fact, Phantom has set up just such a place, called the Garden of Eden, but we haven’t been able to locate it yet.

This article is from issue


2021 Mar